December 8, 2008
…humble regrets…
i am bounded by my own foolishness. i knew i must have done something to avoid me falling but i refrained from mere cautiousness and let things be. however, i had no regrets. it was my choice and no one forced or influenced me. it was entirely my own decision. now the time has come to reap what i have sown. i’m afraid i was not prepared to face it.
it’s not that i don’t think first before making a decision. it’s just that i don’t think twice to see if it was the right one. learning is a constant process and failure is an evident outcome. if it pays to fail, then i would love to learn more.
i must admit i failed but more than once and i have the reason to believe that everyone else does. however, life is too short to make it a trial and error ground to practise for. one failure affects much of our lives and leads to dozens of after effect. mistakes may lead to a chain of endless errs.
this was one lesson i learned, the hard way. it’s true that when you listen to your heart, your mind then will definitely take the backseat. it depends on what really matters to you…how you feel or how others would feel about how you feel. otherwise, if you decide to let the brain take charge instead, then your heart would have to endure the pain it brings.
it was a tricky choice but i made my pick. i listened to my heart. it was not the best choice i know. but it made my heart smile. the joy it brought me was worth the pain it has along with it. on the other hand, i realized i was too selfish just thinking of my feelings alone and not considering those around me. i should not live for just myself and there are people whose opinions matters to me and my life. and i had to let them go to give way to my own will.
and believe me, there is a big difference in making such a decision. i didn’t knew what i’d loss or win until i’ve made my choice. it was like taking a chance on a bet and hoping the result was a win. if it was not, i may need to accept the pain of losing.
